I find it difficult to dream these days. I wrestle to regain the hope and clarity I had as a child, and perhaps more importantly, the imagination. Sometimes I feel my spirit stir within me--perhaps a passing thought has provoked the sleeping something inside--but I squelch it quickly, afraid to get too caught up in desire, expectation, and passion. Yeah, it's difficult, sometimes, to dream.
What I really want is to dream correctly. I want to be assured that I will receive the object of my hopes and desires by having a righteous, a godly dream. Little do I realize that no matter how "righteous" the dream, I will reap suffering. My psychology still hinges on the thought that all things in life should be fair, and that justice should have the last word...
Why do I crave justice? Why do I crave justice? Why do I crave justice?
I still don't understand; and so I wrestle--wrestle to have dreams that will surely die and be replaced by new and better dreams...that might also die...and yet to cling to hope, and not be cynical, and not be fatalistic.
Oh Lord, help.
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