Enter Anxiety

Don't ask me why, as there has been no new thing to cause me to react with worry, but I am suddenly taken with a major onset of anxiety.

We have been computer-less for the past couple of days, making it extremely difficult to do any of the now normal online aspects of our daily schedule. And perhaps I haven't been able to process as well because of no blog--perhaps that is part of it, but I think there is something deeper going on here, and I feel like I've been attacked.

So, I am asking for prayer, for my heart to be in that place of trust that I have known in the past 2 weeks, and to which I would like to return.

And as I write, I am getting a sense of the other things that are troubling me. Yesterday was the first in a series of days in which people and trucks with their things began to arrive. (Gosh, that was a clumsy sentence--please forgive me, I'm just vomiting words right now in an attempt to get this junk off my heart). I realize that I feel the urge (in some ways good, others out of a wrongful sense of duty) to help everyone and I'm feeling anxious that I can't do more right now.

At least Murmur wasn't up last night (the score is 10 and 5--and we're all losing), but Macky was (which means of the 15 nights we've been here, I think we've had 2 full night's sleep, uninterrupted by the one or the other). Macky got sick for no apparent reason at 2am, and dear Chip got up with her and let me sleep. However, that meant he needed a nap first thing this morning with Murmur. And still we look at one another with bleary eyes that communicate that neither of us are caught up yet.

Back to the ever-growing community: we have several new babies, about a dozen new families/singles coming in this weekend, and lots of tired people with lots of needs. Please, if you consider it, pray for us all to have the strength of the Holy Spirit as we seek to love one another well and help in the adjusting to a new life and the challenges that will face us over the next few years.

I say all that, but I also want to say: it is good! Yesterday, for example, I went produce hunting with our admissions assisstant, in which we had the most hysterical gallavanting around Creve Coeur/Chesterfield experience, and wound up at the "farm" of an old hippie who had the most bizarre stories to share, and the most beautiful tomatoes. I bought about 3lbs, and returned to cook for my brand-new neighbors and their 2 kids (once again, in the age slot of most of the children around: >1 and 2-ish). Here is what we ate:

Pasta alla Puttanesca (if you know what that means, you will laugh...let me know if you don't, and I'll let you in on the "joke")

Ingredients:
1Lb pasta (spaghetti or penne work well)
2 cans tuna (chunk light packed in oil works best)
3 fresh tomatoes, cored and chopped small
1 handful olives (or olives and capers), chopped
2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
1 handful basil, chopped
8 anchovies (i didn't have any, so i used 2 dashes worcestershire sauce, which has anchovy in it)
olive oil
juice of 1 lemon
salt and pepper to taste

empty the cans of tuna (drained) into a bowl and pour lemon juice over. add salt and pepper to taste and chopped basil--allow to marinate while you do next step. start your pasta (salt the water). now throw a couple of glugs of olive oil into a pan, and once it has warmed up, throw the anchovies or worcesterchire into the pan to "melt" (we loved the way it tasted with the w.s., so if you don't like the extra fishyness of anchovies, try it that way). Now, usually you would throw the capers, garlic, and olives in next, but I threw it all in together by mistake, but we loved the result. We cooked it all only as long as the pasta was cooking (about 5 minutes) and everything remained silky and nice. Taste the tuna/tomato/olive mixture after it has cooked for a minute, correct the seasoning, and then toss it over your pasta with a little olive oil or any reserved pasta water, if you like it looser (it is all according to your preferences, so mess around with it till it pleases you).

We made another dish too, in case the little ones didn't like fish, but I'll have to save that for another day.

The day ended with great, deep conversation, and the return of my downstairs neighbor, Jen. She came to collect me around 8:30, and we did what I've been longing to do (on a routine basis) which was: we worked and talked together. Last night's chore was to core and peel her lot of fresh tomatoes for canning. Lovely.

Wow, upon reflection, what is there to worry about? God is good, has given us an amazing community to live in, and He will provide all our needs....but I still need your prayers....